Wisdom Notes on Psychology

Authenticity

The links in the table on the left take you to sub-headings on this page.

Authenticity is the subjective factor of vulnerability, and is the practice of being true to oneself, despite all the difficulties of living in society. The person follows his inner needs, in preference to following the needs of society. In some societies and in some social eras, his inner needs may be widely different from social needs. At other times, or in other societies, some of his inner needs may be harmonious with social needs. For example, he may have an intense need to be creative in some way – this is not usually in conflict with social needs.

For the individual, following one’s inner needs is not the same as following one’s social desires. Usually our social desires are a product of social conditioning and social expectations, thereby pushing us to be socially conformist. More often than not, as our individuality begins to emerge, our inner needs push us beyond social boundaries, so that we live a life on the edge of society, being non-conformist, perhaps rebellious, or even alienated. The consolation of being different is the knowledge that our experiences of life are authentic.

What does the authenticity of experience mean? As he grows up, the child becomes aware of the tremendous pressures acting on him to develop into a social being and conform to social norms. However, he is also aware that to bow down to these pressures will be at the expense of his sense of individuality. He feels that to sacrifice his individuality, simply to conform to other people’s ideas of what he should be, will be some kind of denial of his real being. He feels that he can only be what he is. By being what he is, he retains his integrity and his life becomes authentic for him.

Authenticity is an aspect of the existential side of his being, whilst validation is an aspect of the psychological side of his being.
For the group-orientated person, his psychological needs shape the drama of his life. Whereas for the individual, his existential needs shape his drama.

The conflict between psychological and existential influences acting on a person may not be evident to the social person since his existential needs may be dormant or insignificant. However, for the individual the conflict may be considerable. Although he focuses on the existential side of himself, he still feels confused about his psychological desires and needs. At times it may feel that his mind is a battlefield between the influences of existentialism and psychology.

Puberty

When does a person first begin to seek his own authenticity? Often it will be at puberty, since before this event a child is usually a social being. The onset of puberty can create a crisis for the child, creating pressure for it to choose its future, either as a social person or as an individual. If its ties with existing groups are not strong, then it may slowly begin to focus more on finding its own path through life rather than continuing to depend on groups for its self-definition.

If social pressures overwhelm his attempts to be authentic, the person may learn to fear society. If this happens, then he may experience alienation, which is a sense of not being able to find any compatible group with which it can share its desires, values and ideals. One of the effects of puberty is that it intensifies the sensitivity of the child. This sensitivity will magnify any sense of alienation, making the child or young adult feel like an outsider. Trying to find one’s own authenticity can be a very stressful process, often bringing the person into conflict with society as he tries to resolve the pressures of alienation. 

In my case, I spent a lot of my childhood both in social groups and on my own. When on my own, I was immersed in my own daydreams. When puberty came along my daydreams began taking precedence and, though I remained social when necessary, I became absorbed into my own world of phantasy. This is still the case even today. My world of subjective phantasy has always been more important to me than the world of objective society.

A person who can be true to himself despite social pressures is authentic and stable. If some social pressures render him unstable to some extent, then he has to struggle to be authentic in those aspects of personality that the social pressures have compromised. If he cannot be stable, then this indicates that he experienced problems during his childhood. He feels inauthenticated. What kind of problems in childhood lead to instability?

Acceptance

In times past, the male child was often expected to follow in the footsteps of the father. This works for some children but not for others. As a child grows up the parents should allow it to develop its own interests and explore what it wants to be in life. The child will develop a good sense of authenticity if it is allowed to be what it wants to be. Obviously children need guidance. Any moral punishments should be fair. The child should not be victimised by a parent.

Fear leads to faulty bonding with the parents. The child feels that its individual boundaries have been violated. The desire to be separate and independent may spring up. This can force issues of individual identity to take centre stage. By the time that it has become an adult, it may feel the desire to cut loose completely from parents and relatives and go its own way through life.

By the time it has become an adult it may gravitate to nihilism, rebellion, or desire for freedom. However, during periods when the fear is too overwhelming for it, the child may feel the dreariness of life (a response to denigration) and go into withdrawal, rejection of intimacy with others, and passivity.

Exclusion and Rejection

Loss of authenticity produces the loss of meaning. For comparison, loss of validation produces loss of motivation. When meaning is lost, why should the person do anything? He now feels that nothing is more important than anything else is. Nothing is sacred. So the person may just drift through life, with no goals to achieve, no desires to fulfil. I drifted through many years of the 1990s.

Faulty bonding may produce mood swings of love and hate towards the parents: the child is aware of the love but usually has to deny and repress the hate, since the child will usually be punished if the parent becomes aware of it. The hatred will remain subconscious although it will still be a powerful motivator of the child in some negative circumstances. For example, when it has become an adult, then in its relationships with other adults it may remain wary of any intimate relationships with people of the same sex as the parent that it has ambivalent feelings towards.

Overall, when it has become an adult it will be mature in some ways but in other ways it will be vulnerable. At this point I compare two major hurdles that face the child.

Exclusion means the repudiation of who he is.
Rejection means the repudiation of what he is.

Exclusion means that the person is not validated; the issue of who he is comes under the concept of social identity. He becomes fragile in parts of his social identity.
Rejection means that the person is not authenticated; the issue of what he is means that it is his character which is rejected. He becomes insecure in parts of his individual identity.

Individual identity is based on narcissism.
The desire for authenticity is based on narcissism.

Social identity is based on jealousy.
The desire for validation is based on jealousy.

So whether a person feels a lack of authenticity or a lack of validation depends on whether he orientates himself on narcissism or on jealousy.

Guilt or Shame

To go a little deeper into the mind, I compare two powerful negative emotions, guilt and shame, that haunt each person.

Guilt is an emotion derived from the individual side of the person, whilst shame is derived from the social side of the person. Any problem coming from the individual side can eventually be resolved by a deep psycho-analysis. However,  a problem that leaves the person wrapped in shame is derived from his or hers social side.

Guilt is resolved by becoming more authentic.  Authenticity is the cure for guilt.
Shame is resolved by being validated by a suitable group. Validation is the cure for shame.

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