Wisdom Notes on Psychology

Six Variations and Seven Roots of Trauma - 2

Theme of Denigration

This is the second of four related articles.

The links in the table on the left take you to sub-headings on this page.

When a boy is subjected to denigration by excessive fault-finding and criticism from the parents, then this will impact on his character. Trauma is a slow-onset one [²], as he absorbs the lesson that he is not good enough. He may become listless, since there is little that energises him; even getting out of bed each day becomes an effort. He may be filled with doubt, with no ambition and no goals to aim at. The doubt is created by the negative criticisms of the parents undermining his self-confidence. In general, he may not be able to face up to problems, he may not be able to take criticisms, and he may be wary of trusting people. To avoid making a possible bad decision, he may excessively analyse a situation or a choice before he acts. Excessive criticism kills the desire to succeed, so if he does something it is only for his own satisfaction, no one else’s. If he does decide to immerse himself in some new kind of activity, to try and neutralise the sense of possible failure he may go over-the-top and adopt an attitude of jumping in the deep end and become very intense in his commitment to that activity.

Another feature in the adult is that he is likely to have a subconscious mentality of “I don’t deserve happiness”. He feels that he is not good enough because he is unworthy. His parents rarely or never praised him when he was a child, and so now he is an adult he is embarrassed by praise from others. He cannot accept compliments that someone else may give him for doing something well, saying “it was nothing”, or that he really doesn’t deserve any praise or credit for what he did. This response is due to the influence of guilt in him.

Its relationship to the parent who humiliates him becomes one of love and hate. Then in later life its responses to potential distress within its relationships often switch between love and hate.

As an adult, its behaviour often reflects an exaggerated need to get some self-respect, but it tries to attain this by methods which are confrontational rather than harmonious. It handles disputes by confrontation instead of assertiveness. If it fails to get self-respect, then it may become submissive in its social relationships.

The adult may develop compulsive phantasies of revenge, such as phantasies of humiliating victimisers. Such phantasies can also arise from the theme of domination. As a child he was judged; now that he is an adult he will, in turn, judge other people. He develops a sense of wariness towards others who may criticise him.

He may lack self-confidence; he may have little ability to be intimate (since he is unwilling to share private experiences in case he is ridiculed); he may show a lack of trust in others. He may profess the dreariness of life, rejecting social ties and attainments. He finds meaning mainly in his own inner world and its development (exploring meditation, or contemplation, or imagination, or art, etc). He finds little meaning in the outer, social world. If he has ethical beliefs then he may feel that his childhood denigration was unjustified. To compensate for being unjustly treated, he may pursue ideals of justice and fairness.

The particular form of depression that slow-onset trauma produces is based on jealousy (mode of self-pity). This kind of depression is the depressive component of manic depression disorder (also called bipolar disorder).

Repudiation of the Theme

I consider what beliefs the child will form when it feels that it is not to blame for being humiliated and victimised. I look at the different influences that the father and the mother exert on the child.

• The Father’s Influence

The child feels that the father is a bully and refutes his authority. Once he becomes an adult, he will be antagonistic to any authoritarian figure who may judge him and want to control him. Unfortunately the converse is also likely to be true: if he is put into a position of authority, then he may become authoritarian to those employees under him. He lacks the ability to exert authority in an harmonious way. As the child grows up he may become a rebel and have a need to confront male authority, whether at work, in politics, in religion, etc. Since fear is not a major issue, he may present his views openly and not keep them secret.

I describe three scenarios.

Example 1.
This need for confrontation may appear in the person’s dreams and daydreams. When my psycho-analysis began, it soon sensitised me to the influences of the subconscious mind. Eventually I began to dream about fighting men who humiliated me. After defeating some minor thugs, I would end up confronting and beating Mr Big. This theme repeated itself regularly for 20 years before it began to fade. It took me that long to accept that Mr Big represented my father. My father was no different from the average parent; my problems arose because he lacked the skills to be a good parent to a sensitive boy.

Example 2.
In politics this need produces what I call the Galileo Effect. The trauma in his childhood produces a deep sense of humiliation. When he is an adult, his anger propels him into trying to humiliate established authority. His manner of confrontation is that of verbally abusing his opponent. Notable examples of this mannerism were Galileo and Vladimir Lenin. In the early 1900s when Lenin was trying to establish himself as the leading figure amongst the Russian exiles, such as in the London congress of 1902, he used verbal abuse to humiliate and defeat his opponents in debates. This ability to be confrontational is ambiguous: a person may be able to stand up to authority when engaged in ordinary debate, but not in the presence of symbols of real power, such as a policeman or a religious inquisitor. So the person can be a firebrand in debate, when no strong authority figures take part, but becomes meek and afraid when confronted by an actual policeman.

A revolutionary who fights on the barricades is using anger to overcome his fear of domination. Whereas, a revolutionary who never goes near the barricades, like Lenin ( before he became the supreme leader of Russia), is someone who cannot face his powerful opponent, and thus he is acting from a deep sense of humiliation (which anger cannot overcome). Anger cannot overcome a sense of self-hatred.

However, not many people challenge society to the extent that Galileo, Martin Luther, and Lenin did. Why is this?  The scale of the confrontation relates to the person’s ideals: when ideals are minor ones, then any confrontation that happens will also be minor. Only someone who has high ideals can stride the stage as an important player in the drama of great social change.

Example 3.
The child grows up into an adult with a weak ego. One way of coping is to inflate its ego as a way of appearing to be a strong person or an important person. In politics this may show as megalomania. For example, in the life of Mussolini he first confronted established political authority, overcame it, and became dictator of Italy; then he developed grandiose ideas about himself.

There is a problem here in these three examples. Though the person may show hatred of tyranny, along with this belief he is likely to hate social disorders. He may view social disorder as a lack of control within society, and so once he has established his dominance he may turn into a bully in order to try and achieve control within his social sphere.

• The Mother’s Influence

When he has become an adult he may have strong misogynistic or puritanical views about women. This limitation is wide-spread among religious sects, especially those of a fundamentalist flavour. When misogyny is more extreme, then we witness the rape of female strangers. Rape becomes a way of humiliating women.

Another way of responding to humiliation is to develop an over-confident, though shallow, approach to relationships. The adult may become a womaniser and philanderer, but remaining wary of committing himself to a long-term relationship.

Acquiescence of the Theme

Now I consider what beliefs the child will form when it feels that it is to blame for being humiliated and victimised. Again I look at the different influences that the father and the mother exert on the child.

• The Father’s Influence

When the child acquiesces in its humiliation, it develops a strong sense of jealousy (mode of self-pity). As an adult he may have submissive traits of character and feel happiness and contentment best when he is being obedient to a strong authority figure. He may feel inferior to most other people.

A typical response is that he may show reverence and adulation to a cult religious leader/teacher or other suitable authority figure who gives him affection. In my 30s I became a follower of two English yoga teachers. I regarded them as the most important people in my life at that time and loved being in their company.

• The Mother’s Influence

If his childhood humiliation was severe, he may, once he becomes an adult, seek a dominant older woman who can protect him. He may prefer older women to women of his own age. It becomes more important for him to please a sexual partner than to seek his own sexual satisfaction. If he can please an older woman, then to some extent this may heal some of his wounds from his mother. His dominant mood is jealousy (in self-pity mode).

The next article deals with the theme of rejection and abandonment.

[¹]. I have three articles on Emotion on the Home page. [1]

[²]. I describe the speed of trauma in the article Childhood Trauma. [2]

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